Resolutions.

Saturday, January 5th, 2013

My birthday is the Chinese New Year, so my personal new year doesn’t start until February. This means that I have some time to think about my resolutions, unlike the rest of you! I have learned from previous years to make the goal personal and attainable. My sexuality is personal, and my resolution is very attainable. I feel confident that this resolution will be actionable!

One of my sexual resolutions is to let people go down on me. I have been unable and unwilling to let partners of any/all genders do this for me. I tense up every time, fear floods my mind and I get turned off. I know women who love getting tongue and finger attention, but I am not one of them, even though I would like to be. This year I would not like to start off with a bang, but a tongue on my clit.

I will begin with my usual ‘New Years Goal’ –  buying something that helps! (Think about the number of tennis shoes that are bought Jan 2nd, just because some people make the resolution to work out more).

My first purchase will be a gel or oil, so that I can begin to explore my own vagina. I masturbate, but that is touching with a purpose. It is a get in/get out type of experience, not exactly exploratory.  I think exploring and knowing my own body will help with my acceptance, and will also help me give feedback to my partners.

The other side of exploring is viewing “real” vaginas, both in a sexual and non-sexual context. This will help me learn to differentiate between mainstream porn vaginas and non. The mainstream vagina, in porn, is  a “small pink and hairless” homogenized manufactured item. This is not what everyday vaginas look like, and I need to break the cycle of comparing my vagina to an ideal. I have broken this cycle with other parts of myself, so it should be easy enough. I have the privilege to have access to a lovely lady, through my poly relationship.  I have already asked my metamour to help me explore hers and teach me what she likes – so that I am able to do so in return.  This will give me room to develop as a lover, and as a person. I recommend this style of teaching and learning, if you have access to it.

Another addition to this exploration will be viewing Indie porn with different bodies/vaginas so that I am able to start breaking my own internal hatred. This means being choosy about the pornography I view, and dismissing words like small, pink, hairless, tight and so on. Vaginas are unique to each person, and we should honor this uniqueness in our media.

The second stage will be to allow my partner to go down on me – this takes communication and relaxing. I need to not only communicate my desires, but also my struggle with my partners.  Instead of saying “I just don’t like it,” I need to let them know that it makes me feel uncomfortable and what they can do to help.  This is needed for my growth and the growth of our relationship.  This means that I need to have the vocabulary to share this information. I need to use both medical and non-medical terms for my vagina, and have the ability to identify my own feelings.

I feel _____ when you touch/feel/taste my _______.

This increased communication with, and about, my body with myself and others is the key to having a better sexual year!

Upcoming book review!

Thursday, January 3rd, 2013

One of my idols, taking pictures of FA burlesque dancers…

this is way to good to be true! ref=dp_image_0

Jiggle Balls

Sunday, December 30th, 2012

I am making sexy wishlist for my birthday!

LE0305The new luna beads are racing towards #1.

Lesbian Porn

Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

I usually wait until I see a film before I tell you about it- but I am so excited about this one I can not wait!

 

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Want more check out the banner

Best Bondage 2013

Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

I am putting on the final touches of the review for Best Bondage Erotica!

All I have to say right now is…

This book will keep you warm for the holidays 

Review of Make Love Not Porn

Monday, November 26th, 2012

Make Love Not Porn is Cindy Gallops newest venture. This is an amateur web cam/video based  pay site  with a spin.

From the press release 

MakeLoveNotPorn.tv is of the people, by the people, and for the people who believe that the sex we have in our everyday life is the hottest sex there is.

We are not porn – porn is performance (often an exceedingly delicious performance, but a performance nonetheless).We are not ‘amateur’ – a label that implies that the only people doing it right are the professionals and the rest of us are bumbling idiots. (Honey, please.)  

Instead of paying per min.(ppv) you rent the movie of your choice for $5, and it is good for unlimited viewings three weeks.

This is great numerous reason. One is that ppv is a rip off,  (dont even get me started on how many times I have had to call AEBN Customer service) and it gives you time to watch the clip numerous times and really involve yourself in the action.

  Overall  Review  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Ethical positioning of all Bodies– Searching through the closed beta, I found that most of the performers were thin, white semi attractive people. This site is user submitted so this could be for a few different reasons, normative beauty standards, objectification of  minorities and so on.  However  they did earn points for the “stories” behind the videos. Each video comes with a back story this is the performers own write-up of the scene.  This gives performers a voice and a background. This is important for numerous reasons. One is to dismantle the idea of who does “sex work”, and how they are.

Ethical treatment of  performers  MLNP payment options are clearly stated, both for the buyer and seller. It is $5 to submit your video, and then you receive 50% of your rentals.   Again extra points for clarity and upfrontness of how much performers get paid/profit share.

Use of language- This is important to MLNP/ Cindy Gallop.  There is no insulting misogynist language, racist or gender binary language used to promote videos.  Words like girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/lover  are used rather than “horny bitches get it”. This is a refreshing change of pace.

Other Info

The site is in a closed beta- and you have to be invited.  I submitted my email and received an invite with in 24 hours. As some one who spends her free time pursuing porn, I would highly recommend this site if you like real bodies, and a personality behind your porn.  The site is chock full of  pop culture references. It makes the viewer feel comfortable watching, with out feeing the usual disconnect.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Porn

Monday, November 26th, 2012

I will be reviewing a few different  places on the Internet to get your porn on.  I will rate them based on feminist principles of  sex positiveness.  (I personally have some criticism of the sex positive movement)

I use a mix of Erika Lust  Good Porn, and other sources.

The rating will be based on

Ethical positioning of all bodies – This discusses the question of non binary bodies, and weight.

Ethical treatment of  stars/actors/actress  – I will attempt to investigate the payment options available for the people in the films

Use of language  – This is how porn/erotic film is  framed.

Ease of Site use

 The contenders are

Pink and White on Demand 

Make Love Not Porn 

Indie Porn Revolution 

Kink.com Padded Kink 

 

That Type of Girl

Monday, November 19th, 2012

As a note this is written in a hetronormative tone because that is my current experience. I will be expanding this to different relationship types soon.

 
During a discussion with a friend about a new relationship, and its emphasis on friendship and sex without romantic intent – she dropped this retro bomb-
   I never thought you were the type, of girl lets herself be used for sex?

 

Apparently,  I am.  I am the type of girl who lets herself be used for sex. There I said it.

Since I am a fan the Reed-Kellogg  diagram- here is a picture!

 

 

 

 

Lets unpack this whole bunch of mess-
Type Of Girl – This is the subject of the question clause, preposition and determiner

The idea that there are types of girls is implied. This is a dangerous assumption because it is lazy and relies on trope and stereotypes to fulfill knowledge gaps.
I am assuming the types of girls she is referring  in this context is the ever present good/bad trope.  “Good” girls wait, “Bad” girls get what they deserve.More Here about tropes    (This plays a  large part in rape culture)

If you are Good and thus  deny your partner sex, you get “stuff”, including respect.  Stuff can be monetary tangible things one receives during dating/courting, it also includes getting phone calls, texts, communication exchanged regularly.
The giving away of sex-negates this courting period. This is the root thought behind “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”
.

“Lets herself”.  This is a verb of question clause

Lets Herself – implies permission.  I let myself eat cake- as if eating cake was somehow inappropriate and I need a special allowance of the self community to make a choice.  Sex follows the same screwed up permission logic as food.

Lets herself is also used in axiom  She has let herself go.  This is a form of the permission based transactional analysis  of adherence to a good cultural norm.  As seen by this screen shot,

 

 
men are super concerned about this permission based going.
The idea of permission that you give yourself in the “lets herself be used.”also disallows any claim of rape or abuse.  It is preemptive victim blaming .

Used for Sex  – Subject Complement Adjective

This again falls back on the idea that women do not like sex, and use it for a transactional purpose. When you feel “used”- it is because you feel taken advantage of, there is a miscommunication among two or more  parties of about equity.  In  the logic of sexual relationships this creates an  fallacious equation of  (male wanting) sex equal something else (female wanting anything else but sex ) , not that that (male)sex could equal  (female) sex.
In order for me, a female,  to feel “used for sex”- I must ascribe to the idea that the sex that I  have is something I didn’t want to want to do, but was made to do. I have been pressured into sex before, and know what it feels like, so I can safely say that this was not the case, would mostly likely never be the case with the person in question.
That in order for me to not feel used, I must balance out this sex (a negative) with stuff(positive). This idea is an extension of society telling me how I should feel about my own choices, body and identity.
There is also the response to this question that is the elephant in the room-

What type of girl lets herself be used for sex? -One that does not respect herself.

This again is an assumption about my emotions towards my body and what I do with it. I respect my body enough to give it what it wants, I respect my partners enough to be honest with them about what I want, who I am with, and manage expectations of relationships.

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Bad Girls 5

Monday, November 19th, 2012

I was asked to review this DVD from my friends over at EdensFantasys. It was originally published  here. 

This movie is almost two and half hours long. To me, this is a huge plus. Because of its length, it is almost like getting a few movies on one disc. I admit I did not watch the entirety at once, instead I broke it into “bite size” pieces of 30 minute sections. This is how non-reviewers watch porn, and I like to mimic the “actual” watching as much as possible

Digital Playground is one of the “top five” of the industry and it shows. Beautiful sets, mid to upper fancy lingerie, clear camera work, and beautiful stars are the hallmarks of a well run studio.

Stoya was the highlight in this film, and for an obvious reason. She is one of the most gorgeous women in or out of porn. Since she has not done a ton of porn, there is still a sense of hesitancy in some scenes, mainly the much touted double penetration.

Tori Black is also in this film. Black is the first person in history to win two AVN Female Performer of the Year Awards, winning back-to-back years in 2010 & 2011. She is only in a few scenes; I would recommend Tori Black Is Pretty Filthy as a highlight on her.

I liked the total lack of plot. I think that the fake attempt at a plot falls flat and is uncomfortable to watch. When I watch porn I am not reviewing, I usually fast forward to the actual sex.

The kink factor is hit or miss.

I watched this with a partner and we had different reactions to the “kink”. I thought the kink factor was a 3/10, where as his reaction was a 6/10. There was DP, some light breath play, and rough(er)sex. There is also some unsafe play in the film such as no condom use, and anal/vaginal play.

Some of my favorite scenes


I have not seen the other Bad Girls movies so I can not compare across the line, but this what Bad Girls do. I should know, I am one!

Eden Porn Club - the hottest online adult video discussion club

Fulfill your Blood Lust!

Monday, November 5th, 2012

Product  Blood Lust – by Wicked Cosmetics 

Price : $10 for  8fl oz.  Free Shipping!

Effervescent as usual, the multi talented Ms Ginger Christiansen spoke with me about her new venture- Blood Massage Oil!  This is an understandable off shoot, combing two of her passions, the goth ideology and cosmetics.
Already a verified mad scientists via her Wicked Line of Cosmetics, she puts the same passion in this product.

While most lubes are made of icky ingredients, that are bad for your body/skin . The Blood massage oil has only 5.  That is right, you can count the  ingredients on one hand and  and pronounce them!

I usually follow the idea that if I can’t pronounce it, it’s not going in my body. Well not including ethic food. But  with everything else- this rule is solid.

Lets compare lube/massage oils-
K-Y the most popular lube/Massage Oil has these ingredients

Aqua, glycerine, hydroxyethylcellulose, gloconolactone, chlorhexidine digluconate, methylparaben, sodium hydroxide.

Wicked Line of Massage Oil
Olive Oil, flaxseed, earth based pigment, coconut oil  *scent extract.

Which  would you  you want -next to and perhaps inside of your body?

Why Blood?
It is the opinion of the author that the blood massage oil gives people a safe space to discover /embrace/understand the fetish for blood play.
Previous to this invention, there was not a safe space to discover this fetish. You could watch others or do it yourself. This massage oil gives a welcomed intermediary phase.This is a great product for those inside of a poly relationship to discover the idea of blood bonding.

Plus… its just plain cool.

Use:
I dont normally use lube in everyday sexual explorations. However my interest in this product was peaked so I used it solo and during heterosexual sex.As a note this massage  oil is supposed to feel like there is something there.  Think about this lube like goth make-up.  You want people to know it is being used for effect.

Solo Use
A little goes a long way. It was has a satiny finish rather than a slick feel. It feels like a heavier version of Liquid Silk, but not as heavy as Astro Glide. I like the weight of the lube. My clit is extra  sensitive,so the buffer of the extra weight worked well for me.
Always check with your toys to see if they are compatible with different lube/oil.

Heterosexual sex

I used this with my  male partner. He is not into blood play- but played along for Science! We used it during hand jobs and vaginal sex with a condom and with out.*

The handjob  “felt weird but good”.  This weirdness is due to the fact that it “really did feel like jerking off with blood”.  This was not a fetish for him, but was not all together  “icky” feeling.

As the giver of said handjob- I enjoyed the weight and non super slipperiness. I dislike water based lubes like ID, because they not only dry out, but also because you can not get a good rhythm going. This oil lasted  more than thirty minutes and did not break down.

Sex with a condom– The combo was different for my partner and I- since we don’t normally use lube or condoms.  But again Science!.  Between the thickness of the condom and the weight of the lube- I found that my partner could turn up the intensity quicker.

Sex with out a condom*

This mimicked the feel of having sex during my period, during a lighter flow. Menstrual blood has more viscosity than the sample. However this could be a another version!

I felt like there was lube there. Normally I dislike this feeling because it is normally a sign of over use or my body rejecting the “wetness”. However with this lube, idea that “something” was there was part of the fun.

Part of the fun is the highly visual nature of the lube. It give you an all month access to your red wing fetish!

Tips for Use:
Like most oils, a little goes a long way. Pour some in your hand, and rub it on your skin. See how it looks and feels. Most oils will just lie on top of your epidermis like a blow up doll. This will soak into your skin like a lotion.

Since it is a bit thicker, you can put more pressure on the delicate parts of the anatomy head of the penis, clit.

It does not stain sheets with color however the coconut oil/olive oil can leave a residue if using silk/satin sheets. This is the same with all oils and lubes. This article might be useful on stain removal.

Usually I would recommend a skin test however with the   ingredients  this products I do not deem it necessary.

Another tips for use-  Ask Ginger! Use the Contact button to send her a message!

A benefit of having some one that  is passionate  about what she does, is that she is more than willing to answer your questions, and share education about her products with you.

Improvements:

I would like to see a thicker version, with maybe small bits of “blood clots”  floating.

The red is more orange than red-However it is my understanding that this is being worked on!

Plans for the Future

One of the best things about having a beat on new products is the excitement of the creators, but also the ability to follow  products  from inception.
It is Gingers’ desire that the lube be sold via glass jars, and she will be branching out with Zombie and perhaps Alien Blood!

WHY BUY THIS PRODUCT?

♥ No petrochemicals
♥ No parabens which irritate sensitive tissue
♥ Natural  Ingredients
♥ 100% Vegan
♥ Cruelty Free
♥ Edible

At $10 it is steal!   The Lish website does require you to have Facebook- However you can always contact Ginger, and she will guide you through other payment options.

*Having unprotected sex is always dangerous. My partner and I have a fluid bond agreement.

 

*some education about lube/massage oil.
Think about where that stuff goes. While we are worried about what is in our food,our grocery bags etc- we are more than happy to slather our sexual parts with stuff we would not even eat.
Mucous membranes are the moist layer of semi-permeable tissue lining the mouth, nose, eyes, vagina and anus. Because they do not have the protective layer found on the surface of the outer skin, mucous membranes can be damaged, irritated and penetrated by synthetic chemicals more easily.

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