Archive for the ‘acceptance’ Category

That Type of Girl

Monday, November 19th, 2012

As a note this is written in a hetronormative tone because that is my current experience. I will be expanding this to different relationship types soon.

During a discussion with a friend about a new relationship, and its emphasis on friendship and sex without romantic intent – she dropped this retro bomb-
   I never thought you were the type, of girl lets herself be used for sex?


Apparently,  I am.  I am the type of girl who lets herself be used for sex. There I said it.

Since I am a fan the Reed-Kellogg  diagram- here is a picture!





Lets unpack this whole bunch of mess-
Type Of Girl – This is the subject of the question clause, preposition and determiner

The idea that there are types of girls is implied. This is a dangerous assumption because it is lazy and relies on trope and stereotypes to fulfill knowledge gaps.
I am assuming the types of girls she is referring  in this context is the ever present good/bad trope.  “Good” girls wait, “Bad” girls get what they deserve.More Here about tropes    (This plays a  large part in rape culture)

If you are Good and thus  deny your partner sex, you get “stuff”, including respect.  Stuff can be monetary tangible things one receives during dating/courting, it also includes getting phone calls, texts, communication exchanged regularly.
The giving away of sex-negates this courting period. This is the root thought behind “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”

“Lets herself”.  This is a verb of question clause

Lets Herself – implies permission.  I let myself eat cake- as if eating cake was somehow inappropriate and I need a special allowance of the self community to make a choice.  Sex follows the same screwed up permission logic as food.

Lets herself is also used in axiom  She has let herself go.  This is a form of the permission based transactional analysis  of adherence to a good cultural norm.  As seen by this screen shot,


men are super concerned about this permission based going.
The idea of permission that you give yourself in the “lets herself be used.”also disallows any claim of rape or abuse.  It is preemptive victim blaming .

Used for Sex  – Subject Complement Adjective

This again falls back on the idea that women do not like sex, and use it for a transactional purpose. When you feel “used”- it is because you feel taken advantage of, there is a miscommunication among two or more  parties of about equity.  In  the logic of sexual relationships this creates an  fallacious equation of  (male wanting) sex equal something else (female wanting anything else but sex ) , not that that (male)sex could equal  (female) sex.
In order for me, a female,  to feel “used for sex”- I must ascribe to the idea that the sex that I  have is something I didn’t want to want to do, but was made to do. I have been pressured into sex before, and know what it feels like, so I can safely say that this was not the case, would mostly likely never be the case with the person in question.
That in order for me to not feel used, I must balance out this sex (a negative) with stuff(positive). This idea is an extension of society telling me how I should feel about my own choices, body and identity.
There is also the response to this question that is the elephant in the room-

What type of girl lets herself be used for sex? -One that does not respect herself.

This again is an assumption about my emotions towards my body and what I do with it. I respect my body enough to give it what it wants, I respect my partners enough to be honest with them about what I want, who I am with, and manage expectations of relationships.

var _gaq = _gaq || [];
_gaq.push([‘_setAccount’, ‘UA-36490302-1’]);
_gaq.push([‘_setDomainName’, ‘’]);
_gaq.push([‘_setAllowLinker’, true]);

(function() {
var ga = document.createElement(‘script’); ga.type = ‘text/javascript’; ga.async = true;
ga.src = (‘https:’ == document.location.protocol ? ‘https://ssl’ : ‘http://www’) + ‘’;
var s = document.getElementsByTagName(‘script’)[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);

Happy or not so Halloween

Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

I always have conflicting feelings around Halloween. I like dressing up, I like slutty stuff. So it seems to follow that Halloween, which is quickly become the National Dress Like a Whore Night would be my favorite holiday! More Sluts for everyone!
When I am critical on this I get called out and accused of #slutshaming. This offends me, and is meant to. It is also meant to shut me, and others down.
I am not slut shaming, but being critical of the culture of pretend. Women who do not claim the slut label, can play for one night, but can go back to being non sluts/good the next morning.

As a society we get, of should ge,t offended when culture is appropriated through costumes and media. A recent campaign This is my culture not a costume accurately highlight the issues with this.

I argue that Slut has its own culture, and when women who are non sluts, dress like sluts they are dangerously close to appropriation of this culture.
Slut costumes mimic historical female led employment, rendering these professions a mere joke. Sexy Nurse, Sexy Flight Attendant, and most anger inducing Sexy Librarian.

They also are patterned off of what people “think” a sex worker looks like. This image is a cross hatch of old Law and Order Episodes and Lifetime movies.
Sex workers, sluts, ethical sluts, women who enjoy sex- look like you, and me.

So the next time you want to dress “Slutty” for the evening- pull on some Atari boxers, put your hair up in pigtails, don on your WoW headset and begin watching Star Trek


Series Intro

Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

This is the first in a series of articles/blog posts dealing with the evolving nature of camming, commercialism, porn, profit, dignity worth and commodification of bodies.

For the sake of transparency, let me introduce myself and my standpoint/basis.   I am a college educated, white appearing , feminist  , nerd, liberal. body positive, cam girl and sex toy reviewer.  Some of these may been out of place with others, but lets face it people are complicated.  I wanted to allow my readers to understand my biases before continuing.

Some of the BIG questions we will cover are
1) What is the correlation between your internal worth vs employment worth in a capitalist system?    How does camming affect this?
2)  How does this commodification of women’s bodies differ to straight mens bodies?
3) Does cam work change that or just reinforce roles
4) How has the evolution of camming changed, and how does it affect performances
5) Is camming porn or performance

If you have thoughts on these questions, I would love to  hear them!